welcome to my journal

I've been keeping a diary for almost as long as I've been able to write sentences and draw little pictures.

I couldn't tell you exactly how old I was...six, maybe seven? I just remember getting one of those little diaries with the tiny gold lock on it and feeling like I'd been entrusted with something very important. Never mind the fact that the key was about the size of a paperclip and anyone determined enough could've opened it with a confident tug. 😂 It didn't matter. To me, it meant my thoughts had a place to live.

I've been filling journals ever since.

They're tucked away in boxes now. Some have moved with me many, MANY times. Some are so worn that the covers are peeling off. Every now and then I'll pull one from a box looking for something specific, and before I know it I've lost an hour reading the words of ayoung girl who thought she had life completely figured out...and then the next page proves she realized she absolutely did NOT. I freaking love that girl.

She was dramatic in the most endearing way. She wrote poetry like the fate of the universe depended on it. She'd become convinced she was writing the next great American novel every few months, only to get distracted by another idea that felt even more important. She noticed everything. The way the light came through a window. A conversation she'd overheard. The feeling of walking outside just before it rained. Looking back, I don't think she was trying to become a writer. She simply couldn't imagine not writing. And that’s never really changed.

Photography eventually became the thing people knew me for, and I understand why. I've spent more than twenty years behind a camera, and it's been one of the greatest privileges of my life. But long before I ever held a professional camera, I was holding a pen.

Writing has always been the place where I make sense of the world. Sometimes it's where I celebrate it. Sometimes it's where I argue with it. It’s also where I’ve done my most profound (and quick) manifesting. More often than not, it's where I find myself again after feeling a little lost. There have been seasons where I journaled every single day, and others where I'd go weeks without writing anything at all...until one sentence showed up in my head and refused to leave me alone. That's usually how it happens.

People sometimes ask where all my ideas and inspirations come from, and many times I’ve said, “I don’t know”...and when I’m braver I say, “I’m channeling”…but whether it’s me pulling guidance from something Other or just plain luck, I know THIS for sure: I notice things...I notice almost everything. I can’t help it. I'll hear one sentence in passing or see someone sitting alone in a coffee shop, and suddenly my brain is somewhere completely unexpected. Writing has always been the place where I follow those little trails just to see where they lead.

I used to share more of it. Back in the early 2000s, I was part of an online poetry community, and I loved it. There was something so beautiful about putting words into the world and watching them find people I'd never meet. Somewhere along the way, though, I got quieter. Life got busy. Photography took off. Businesses grew. Life was LIFE-ING. The journals kept filling up, but fewer people were invited to read them.

Looking back, I don't think I was hiding. I just wasn't ready. (And hey, ALSO, not everything is for everyone)

There's a different kind of vulnerability in writing. A photograph lets someone see your work. Writing lets someone listen to the way your mind moves. They get to see what captures your attention, what makes you laugh, what you're wrestling with, the questions you haven't answered yet. That's a much more intimate thing to share.

Something has shifted lately. Maybe it's turning forty, or healing, or perhaps it's realizing that I don't need everyone to understand me in order to be myself. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it because it led me here...to whatever this space will become.

So this Journal isn't going to be a blog in the traditional sense. Some entries will be about photography. Some won't mention photography at all. We'll probably talk about creativity, identity, branding, art, books, ADHD, fashion, beauty, music, psychology, old journal entries, and whatever peculiar rabbit hole I happen to disappear into at that time. There will be stories. Questions. Things I'm noticing. Things I'm still trying to figure out. I think it’s boring to pretend I have all the answers. I'd much rather invite you into the process of asking some better questions.

So, welcome, babes!!

I'm so super glad you found me.